The Hand of Friendship

For many people, especially today, relationships are measured by what we get from them.

How does this person make me feel?

What do they add to my life?

What support am I receiving from them?

But our spiritual tradition turns the question around.

Shaykh ʿAbd al-Qādir al-Jīlānī describes companionship among brothers as being maintained through putting others before oneself, futuwwah, spiritual chivalry, pardoning them, and keeping their company on the basis of serving them.

He says that the good companion sees no right for himself over anyone, nor does he demand any right from another.

Rather, he sees that everyone has a right over him, and he does not fall short in fulfilling their rights.

Companionship, then, is no longer about what we receive, but about how we serve.

And perhaps this gives us another way to understand why the companionship of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was so deeply loved.

He was not in it for himself.

He was ultimately concerned with the people around him.

And Allah describes him in exactly these terms:

لَقَدْ جَاءَكُمْ رَسُولٌ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ عَزِيزٌ عَلَيْهِ مَا عَنِتُّمْ حَرِيصٌ عَلَيْكُمْ بِالْمُؤْمِنِينَ رَءُوفٌ رَحِيمٌ

“There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Your suffering is grievous to him. He is deeply concerned for you, and toward the believers he is compassionate and merciful.”(al-Tawbah 9:128)

Allah does not merely tell us that the Prophet ﷺ loved his Companions. He tells us what their companionship did to his heart.

Their hardship was difficult for him to bear. He was deeply concerned that none of them be lost from the path.

And toward the believers he was compassionate and merciful, as Mujīr al-Dīn explains it, exceedingly tender in his concern for them.

And in this very same sūrah, Allah gives us a living picture of what that companionship looked like.

During the Hijrah, the Prophet ﷺ and Abū Bakr (radiya Allahu anhu) took refuge in the cave while the Quraysh searched for them.

Allah says:

إِذْ يَقُولُ لِصَاحِبِهِ لَا تَحْزَنْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَنَا

“When he said to his companion, ‘Do not grieve. Indeed Allah is with us.’”

Allah Himself calls Abū Bakr his companion.

And look at the moment in which those words were spoken.

The Prophet ﷺ was himself being pursued.

His own life was under threat.

Yet even there, his attention turned toward the heart of the man beside him.

He said, "Do not grieve."

Mujīr al-Dīn explains "Indeed Allah is with us"  as meaning that Allah was with them — with care and protection.

So even in the cave, the Prophet ﷺ was not consumed only with his own danger. He was still safeguarding the heart of his companion.

And there is another report that gives this moment even greater meaning.

The Prophet ﷺ said to Abū Bakr:

أَنْتَ صَاحِبِي فِي الْغَارِ وَصَاحِبِي عَلَى الْحَوْضِ

“You are my companion in the cave, and my companion at the Ḥawḍ.”

His companionship with Abū Bakr did not end at the mouth of the cave.

The cave was one place in which that companionship appeared.

And it gives us a pattern. Even while his own life was threatened, there remained room in his heart for the heart of his companion.

And we see it throughout his life.

We see it with Anas ibn Mālik, who looked back upon ten years in his company and remembered gentleness.

We see it with Jarīr ibn ʿAbdillāh, who said that the Prophet ﷺ never saw him except that he smiled in his face.

And we see it with ʿAmr ibn al-ʿĀṣ, who was treated with such warmth that he came to believe he must have been the most beloved person to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.

Different men. Different moments. The same companionship.

It did not seem to matter who stood before him.

His companions could feel as though they were at the center of his world, while he ﷺ stood at the very center of theirs.

Yet nothing in his companionship made others feel the weight of his rank.

The higher Allah raised him, the more room there seemed to be in his heart for the person standing before him.

And perhaps this is why people were drawn so powerfully toward him ﷺ.

But ordinarily, even the best companionship in this world comes to an end.

Death separates us.

The companionship of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ is different.

It is reported that he said:

حَيَاتِي خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ، تُحْدِثُونَ وَيُحْدَثُ لَكُمْ، وَوَفَاتِي خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ، تُعْرَضُ عَلَيَّ أَعْمَالُكُمْ، فَمَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْ خَيْرٍ حَمِدْتُ اللَّهَ عَلَيْهِ، وَمَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْ شَرٍّ اسْتَغْفَرْتُ اللَّهَ لَكُمْ

“My life is good for you: you bring forth matters and matters are brought forth for you. And my death is good for you: your deeds are presented to me. Whatever good I see, I praise Allah for it, and whatever evil I see, I seek Allah’s forgiveness for you.”

In life, he wanted good for his Ummah. And after leaving this world, we remain the object of his concern.

And so, the companionship continues.

And there remains another meeting.

There will come a day when every one of us will stand in need.

The securities which we relied upon here will have disappeared.

The people whose approval once mattered will have concerns of their own.

Every person will arrive carrying what they sent ahead.

And there, waiting before us, will be the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.

He said:

أَنَا فَرَطُكُمْ عَلَى الْحَوْضِ

“I will precede you at the Ḥawḍ.”

And he described a Ḥawḍ whose water is whiter than milk, whose fragrance is sweeter than musk, and whoever drinks from it will never thirst again.

Perhaps only there will we fully understand the hand of friendship.

We will come to his Ḥawḍ.

And from his very hand we will drink.

But even then, his concern for his Ummah is not exhausted.

When creation stands beneath the burden of that Day, seeking someone who will intercede with

Allah so that judgment may begin, they will go from prophet to prophet.

Until they come to Muhammad ﷺ.

And he will intercede.

The one who carried the burdens of his Ummah in this world will be the means by which their burden is relieved in the next.

This is a companionship that death does not end.

The hand of friendship he extended toward his Ummah in this life remains extended toward us in the next.